You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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