I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
