Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
