my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
