I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
