Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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