she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
