I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
