so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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