Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
