WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
