So drunk its hurt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
