if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
