piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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