dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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