You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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