i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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