i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
