i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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