I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
