Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
