If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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