Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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