life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
