im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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