You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
