Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this will be a night to untag.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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