plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
