you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
