shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
