you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
