I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
