I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
