I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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