You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
