can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
