...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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