You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
