So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
