Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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