wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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