I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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