Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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