You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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