So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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