I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize