Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize