remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
