True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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