hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
