Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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