i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I take back everything I said about communal showers
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
