I puked a lego.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
