just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
