I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize