i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Text me some of your sweat
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
