Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
