There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
