The maid of honor just puked.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
