The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
