I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
