My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize