just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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