just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
