last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
