Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
