Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
