Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
