i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize