I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
