I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
