Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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