dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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