I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize