they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize