I have demons in me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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