I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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