I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
