Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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