found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
