I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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