Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think my tv is drunk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
