Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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