it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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