then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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