Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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