are you so shy because you have an std?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
