hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
