Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
