man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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