you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
