god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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