Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
