I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
