What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
